WORLD TOUR HIGH SCHOOL - SEMESTER ONE REPORT CARDS (2026)
- John Trevorrow
- 3 minutes ago
- 6 min read
By John “Iffy” Trevorrow - Head of Cycling, Behaviour & Brutal Honesty
Welcome to parent–teacher night for the WorldTour.
This isn’t just about who’s top of the class, it’s about who’s doing the most with what they’ve got.
Grades are based on:
2025 → 2026 team ranking movement
Budget vs return
What their standout rider has actually delivered in 2026
Whether they’ve produced a “stop the school assembly” result
Order is mixed on purpose. This is a report card, not a results sheet.
MODEL STUDENTS
Front row. Colour‑coded folders. Big results to match big expectations.
UAE Team Emirates – XRG
2025 → 2026: 1 → 1 Budget: Ridiculous Grade: A+
Standout student: Tadej Pogačar (1st)
Why: Wins everywhere, wins big, just won Liège again.
Iffy line: “He’s so far ahead he’s basically on a different curriculum and everyone else is just trying to stay enrolled.”
Future dux: Isaac del Toro - the young Mexican who looks ready to light up the peloton.
Team Visma | Lease a Bike
2025 → 2026: 2 → 3 Budget: Huge Grade: A
Standout student: Wout van Aert (15th) — Paris–Roubaix winner
Why: Maybe not peak Visma on the rankings, but Roubaix is a school‑wide announcement. Iffy line: “When you finally win Roubaix, you don’t get detention, you get your photo framed in the foyer.”
Team prefect: Jonas Vingegaard - still the main challenger for the Tour.
Red Bull – BORA – hansgrohe
2025 → 2026: 6 → 2 Budget: Big Grade: A-
Standout student: Remco Evenepoel (4th)
Why: Massive points haul, big‑ticket wins, huge jump up the table.
Iffy line: “The kid who discovered caffeine, spreadsheets and extra credit all in the same week.”
Right‑hand man: Jai Hindley — the teammate you want in your corner.
Decathlon CMA CGM Team
2025 → 2026: 8 → 4 Budget: Mid Grade: A
Standout student: Paul Seixas (8th)
Why: A top‑10 rider leading a serious step up in the rankings.
Iffy line: “The quiet kid who suddenly starts answering every question and now ruins the curve for everyone else.”
VALUE KINGS
Not the richest, but squeezing every last mark out of the budget.
XDS Astana Team
2025 → 2026: 15 → 5 Budget: Mid‑low Grade: A
Standout student: Christian Scaroni (12th)
Why: Top‑five team with a mid‑tier wallet and a genuine top‑20 rider.
Iffy line: “Turned up with a basic pencil case and somehow topped half the school.”
Bonus note: Smart enough to pick races where the “A‑students” were absent.
Team Jayco AlUla
2025 → 2026: 16 → 8 Budget: Mid Grade: A-
Standout student: Mauro Schmid (17th)
Why: Big leap up the rankings, Schmid properly in the conversation.
Iffy line: “The student who finally stopped talking at the back and started handing work in early which surprised me, the marks followed.”
Class clown: Luke Plapp - early detention, now ready to light it up.
Uno‑X Mobility
2025 → 2026: 19 → 12 Budget: Low Grade: B+
Standout student: Tobias Halland Johannessen (24th)
Why: Low spend, high output, genuine top‑25 rider.
Iffy line: “Doing homework on the bus and still beating kids with private tutors.”
Mr Reliable: Magnus Cort - the team captain who can still win at the top level.
Cofidis
2025 → 2026: 20 → 13 Budget: Mid Grade: B
Standout student: Ion Izagirre (50th)
Why: Big jump up the table, veteran delivering points.
Iffy line: “From punchline to respectable, the teachers have stopped sighing when they see the name on the roll.”
Pinarello Q36.5 Pro Cycling Team
2025 → 2026: 24 → 19 Budget: Low‑mid Grade: B
Standout student: Tom Pidcock (5th)
Why: One superstar dragging the whole average up.
Iffy line: “The kid who revises in the corridor and still tops the exam — everyone else just drafts off his work.”
New classmate: Chris Harper - quietly boosting the group project.
Unibet Rose Rockets
2025 → 2026: 30 → 21 Budget: Low Grade: B
Standout student: Dylan Groenewegen (32nd)
Why: Proper sprinter, proper wins, big step forward.
Iffy line: “The YouTube kid who suddenly starts handing in assignments and they’re… actually good.”
HEAVY HITTERS, MIXED REPORT
Big names, big moments, but not always matching the budget.
Alpecin–Premier Tech
2025 → 2026: 7 → 6 Budget: Mid Grade: B+
Standout student: Mathieu van der Poel (10th)
Why: Not quite the monumental dominance of last year, but still elite. Iffy line: “Barely speaks, rocks up to the exam, writes in crayon, still gets an B+.”
Sidekick: Jasper Philipsen — three big wins keeping the ledger healthy.
Bahrain – Victorious
2025 → 2026: 9 → 7 Budget: Upper‑mid Grade: B+
Standout student: Lenny Martinez (23rd)
Why: Quietly banking results across GC and hilly days.
Iffy line: “Never the loudest kid in class, but somehow always near the top of the marks sheet.”
Soudal Quick‑Step
2025 → 2026: 4 → 9 Budget: High Grade: C+
Standout student: Paul Magnier (14th)
Why: Still winning, but not the old steamroller.
Iffy line: “Less wolf pack, more study group, still good, just not terrifying. Wealthy parents though which helps .”
Extra credit: Jasper Stuyven — third at Roubaix, sixth at the Ronde.
Lidl – Trek
2025 → 2026: 3 → 10 Budget: High Grade: C+
Standout student: Mads Pedersen (9th)
Why: Pedersen is elite, but injuries stalled momentum.
Iffy line: “One of the sharpest brains in the room, but the overall report doesn’t quite match the talent this term.”
NSN Cycling Team
2025 → 2026: 13 → 15 (Israel → NSN) Budget: Mid Grade: B
Standout student: Corbin Strong (35th)
Why: Rebrand, similar level, one clear leader.
Iffy line: "New name, new swagger — Strong’s leading the way, but this whole class has been putting their hands up and winning stages for fun."
Future star: Brady Gilmore - the desert kid who climbs like he grew up in the Alps. Returning soon: Stephen Williams - expect a lift.
Groupama – FDJ United
2025 → 2026: 10 → 14 Budget: Mid Grade: C+
Standout student: Romain Grégoire (18th)
Why: Huge talent, flashes of brilliance, but patchy.
Iffy line: “The gifted kid who can ace any test - if he remembers there is a test that day.” One to watch: Ewen Costiou - climbs, time trials, and looks the real deal.
BLUE‑COLLAR BRUISERS
Not overachieving, not underachieving — just turning up and swinging.
Lotto Intermarché
2025 → 2026: 12 & 18 → 18 Budget: Mid‑low Grade: C+
Standout student: Arnaud De Lie (7th)
Why: One absolute weapon carrying the load.
Iffy line: “The kid who wins every lunchtime footy game but still only scrapes a C+ on the report. I want a turnaround next semester.”
PARENTAL CONCERN ZONE
Not failing… but the teachers are watching closely.
INEOS Grenadiers
2025 → 2026: 5 → 11 Budget: Enormous Grade: C
Standout student: Oscar Onley (21st)
Why: Onley is legit, but 11th on this budget is undercooked.
Iffy line: “The kid with a private tutor, three laptops and a colour printer who still hands in ‘could try harder’.”
Good news: The boss is back - expect standards to rise.
EF Education – EasyPost
2025 → 2026: 11 → 16 Budget: Mid Grade: C+
Standout student: Ben Healy (41st)
Why: Still fun, still attacking, but the scoreboard’s quieter.
Iffy line: “The artsy kid with wild ideas who occasionally forgets there’s an exam at the end.”
Movistar Team
2025 → 2026: 14 → 17 Budget: Mid Grade: C
Standout student: Cian Uijtdebroeks (57th)
Why: Huge talent, but the team is in transition.
Iffy line: “New prodigy in the uniform, same old habit of handing things in just a bit too late.”
Rising star: Iván Romeo - climbs, time trials, and looks solid.
Tudor Pro Cycling Team
2025 → 2026: 22 → 20 Budget: Low‑mid Grade: C
Standout student: Michael Storer (48th)
Why: Solid, respectable, but no breakout yet.
Iffy line: “Neat books, tidy desk, decent marks - still waiting for the ‘dux of the school’ moment.”
TotalEnergies
2025 → 2026: 23 → 22 Budget: Low Grade: C
Standout student: Emilien Jeannière (37th)
Why: Edging forward, one clear scorer, still on the margins.
Iffy line: “Present, polite, trying - but not exactly threatening the honour roll just yet.”
IFFY’S FINAL WORD
Some teams are exactly where you’d expect. Some are doing miracles with pocket change. Some are spending like a private school and getting public‑school marks.
But the beauty of this game is simple:
One monument, one grand tour, one breakout ride and the whole report card gets rewritten.
Just ask Wout.
Semester Two is coming. Sharpen your pencils, tighten your helmets, and try not to leave your homework in the team bus.
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